Haven’t posted in about 1 1/2 months and things have been ROCKY … When I left I was on and off with a diet… Left because I was eating horribly and ashamed to admit to you what was going on… That lasted two days before I woke up from my sugar coma , upset & broken…. Then things changed… Its corny to say it but a switch went on in my brain … I started getting motivated, working out everyday… Eating right and making good choices was coming soo naturally .. I was so proud of myself … The scale kept going down and I was on cloud 9!!!! …. Now one of my rules was not to deprive myself of food/junk.. So id eat something here and there, not going crazy.. But it was becoming more and more …This lasted a good month before things got bad again … I started having issues with my husband and also my roommate … When im upset or angry I sometimes don’t handle it right.. My idea of getting back at you , is hurting myself.. Stupid right?? … And sometimes I just use that as an excuse to eat what I want… “You hurt my feelings. .. Now go get me a pint of Ice cream and maybe I’ll forgive u” .. Yeah im a mess … My other issue was being soo concerned with what everyone else in the house was doing “Your not working out or eating right.. Wtf ..do it with me? … Don’t u wanna be fit?” … Should have stayed focused on myself and left them alone… This is my journey.. My fight… I was wrong and only hurt myself in the process… At this point i am eating crap and not working out at all … Its upsetting because i was there.. I felt sooo good… I’ve never been on track like that… Ever … My goal is to get that back and start a new… Its hard being Plus size … I feel un-sexy in every way … From having a c-section , my stomach hangs sooo low , it makes me feel like a slob… I don’t want to be touched by my husband because of how i feel … Being a size 18/20 on top and 24 on the bottom is heartbreaking…. And i don’t have to tell you the tragedy of clothes shopping … Lately I’ve tried to put that aside and try dressing more feminine/form fitting.. Usually im in novelty shirts with jeans that don’t fit right or pjs … I can’t feel too bad for myself because I caused this … No one else … And only I can change it … It sucks feeling like a broken record … Repeating the same tired songs over and over again… But I must!! … I have to keep trying till I succeed … Soo if u have any tips/advice … Know any exercises designed for moms with c sections?? … I’d love to hear from u … Even if it’s to yell at me for being a jerk to myself!! I need it
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frenchcuppycake's Blog 