New Year’s Day!!

” Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me! ” …. BULLSHIT!!!!! ….. That’s all we will be hearing for the next two weeks … All that blah blah blah … And I am no different … I’ve had dozens of “I’ll start Monday” diets… ” Im going to be a better person” speeches … Or how about the ” This years going to be awesome” garbage we tell ourselves … Nooo …. Nooo its not …. Well maybe it will be but 90 percent of the time its the same or worse … Why? .. Because reality is unpredicted and scary ..

I don’t wanna come off like a scrooge or anything .. I love happy stories where shit always goes smoothly and people skip off into a field of daisies …. Truth is though .. If u wait around for that you’ll be waiting forever…

For the last couple of years i haven’t even thought about RESOLUTIONS …. I guess if i had to stop and think about it … They would be -

1.) BE A BETTER PERSON/WIFE/ETC
2.) START DIET/HEALTHY LIFESTYLE
3.) FIND A JOB
4.) MANAGE MONEY BETTER

( THOSE ARE THE GROWN UP ONES)

1.) READ MORE
2.) PAMPER MYSELF MORE/ME TIME
3.) WRITE/PAINT/DRAW MORE
4.) BE MORE VULNERABLE
5.) TRAVEL MORE
6.) BE MORE GRATEFUL

See … Im sure alot of people can relate to my list … Do this more .. Do that less … Sometimes where your at is exactly where your supposed to be … And sometimes there’s just not enough hours in the day.. I don’t need the end of the year or resolutions to know that im a selfish bitch most of the time …. im controlling and difficult… Never satisfied … I don’t give my husband enough love or credit for all he does …. But I live with that each day .. A shiny ball dropping at midnight is not going to make me change any faster… Lmao ..

When you stop and think about things you realize what matters … And most of the time the things we think r problems r all in our heads or not as big of a deal as we think… I mean my husband married me knowing and loving the way I am!! … And we will be loving each other forever … Having my son in my life will make every year amazing … And doing right by him is all I need to get right!! …

Happy new years everyone!! … <3<3

By frenchcuppycake

It’s been awhile

Haven’t posted in about 1 1/2 months and things have been ROCKY … When I left I was on and off with a diet… Left because I was eating horribly and ashamed to admit to you what was going on… That lasted two days before I woke up from my sugar coma , upset & broken…. Then things changed… Its corny to say it but a switch went on in my brain … I started getting motivated, working out everyday… Eating right and making good choices was coming soo naturally .. I was so proud of myself … The scale kept going down and I was on cloud 9!!!! …. Now one of my rules was not to deprive myself of food/junk.. So id eat something here and there, not going crazy.. But it was becoming more and more …This lasted a good month before things got bad again … I started having issues with my husband and also my roommate … When im upset or angry I sometimes don’t handle it right.. My idea of getting back at you , is hurting myself.. Stupid right?? … And sometimes I just use that as an excuse to eat what I want… “You hurt my feelings. .. Now go get me a pint of Ice cream and maybe I’ll forgive u” .. Yeah im a mess … My other issue was being soo concerned with what everyone else in the house was doing “Your not working out or eating right.. Wtf ..do it with me? … Don’t u wanna be fit?” … Should have stayed focused on myself and left them alone… This is my journey.. My fight… I was wrong and only hurt myself in the process… At this point i am eating crap and not working out at all … Its upsetting because i was there.. I felt sooo good… I’ve never been on track like that… Ever … My goal is to get that back and start a new… Its hard being Plus size … I feel un-sexy in every way … From having a c-section , my stomach hangs sooo low , it makes me feel like a slob… I don’t want to be touched by my husband because of how i feel … Being a size 18/20 on top and 24 on the bottom is heartbreaking…. And i don’t have to tell you the tragedy of clothes shopping … Lately I’ve tried to put that aside and try dressing more feminine/form fitting.. Usually im in novelty shirts with jeans that don’t fit right or pjs … I can’t feel too bad for myself because I caused this … No one else … And only I can change it … It sucks feeling like a broken record … Repeating the same tired songs over and over again… But I must!! … I have to keep trying till I succeed … Soo if u have any tips/advice … Know any exercises designed for moms with c sections?? … I’d love to hear from u … Even if it’s to yell at me for being a jerk to myself!! I need it

3<3

Day One- No bullshit Diet

Hey … My plan was to wake up at 730am and start my day … I said “FUCK YOU” to my alarm and stayed in bed till 930 … Im not upset at myself … This isn’t about how I i start my day .. Its about my food intake … Its about making the right choices today … And if baby is sleeping .. Mommy should sleep!!! …..

Breakfast –

Special k vanilla & Almond cereal with 1% milk (small bowl), a cup of low acid no pulp orange juice ( i looove pulp but hubby hates it), and 5 strawberries cut up …
( strawberries are bitter but im going to force them down for today) …

Is this a good breakfast? ?? I think soo .. I feel good about it ….

See you at lunch!!! <3<3<3<3

Hey im back … Lunch was so yummy … I had a salad with dressing and croutons on the side and portioned .. Also ate an activist yogurt- vanilla with fiber & cereal …

After lunch got weird .. I am soo used to picking all day on junk that the desire was there today also… I can take down some food … Whole gallons of ice cream, bars and bars of chocolate…. Bags of chips … Cheese galore … I tried to stay away from anything bad .. Soo I cleaned.. Chewed gum .. But I managed to keep away from the Halloween candy and Italian ices in the freezer… Everything goes well … About an hour or so goes by and I put baby down for a nap .. Then it pops in my head that I made brownies last night and only got to eat one … My mind starts playing games … "you can't let it go to waste" .. So I beside to just have one bite … Well that turned into a whole brownie triple chunk … I don't feel good about my decision but it's one that I made and have to deal with … I am so proud of myself just with breakfast and lunch … This "diet" wasn't about being perfect and checking labels and what not .. It was about me eating better then I was … Im not cutting things out .. im learning to portion and control my meals .. The brownie was a mistake and yes I did say no junk food … I know what happens when you deprive yourself … I would have went nuts, sent hubby to the store to buy everything I wanted , and pigged out .. Saying " I'll start again tomorrow" … Soo im patting myself on the back for being stronger then I thought i would be …

This mishap happened at about 330pm and i haven't ate anything since … About to get dinner now (i know i shouldn't eat past 6) … Be back soon <3

Dinner was good … Had roasted turkey breast, mashed pot and corn … I skipped on the butter and gravy ..
Had another brownie and as im eating it with a nice glass
I felt sick … It wasn't wasn't worth it to me and I knew I couldn't have things like that in the house anymoe. …

a

Had

Plus size Dilemma 2

Hey peeps … I was supposed to start my healthy living no bullshit diet today … I completely forget as I was engrossed in season 1 of American Horror Story!! … Today was bad .. Very bad … I ate sooo much Halloween candy and drank orange soda to the point of sickness … Just left stop and shop though soo im prepared for tomorrow… I need your support … I am going to be having sugar withdrawal and being a bitch … Maybe not the first day but it will happen lmao … Love u guys!!!

Originally posted on Psyche's Circuitry:

As a resident of downtown Manhattan, my family and I were affected by Hurricane Sandy. But the worst that happened to us was losing power and water, and having to walk up and down 28 flights of stairs to get ourselves and our stuff out of our apartment so we could move to our dear friend’s apartment on the Upper East Side (where we are now totally safe and comfortable). Our kids feel displaced and are missing their routines and friends, and my husband and I are inconvenienced and feel, strangely, like tourists in our own city. But that’s the worst of it. This is obviously NOT a poor me story.

But this experience has opened my eyes to a few things. In addition to teaching me about the enduring kindness of strangers in this supposedly rude and impersonal digital age, this experience has taught me a few new things…

View original 649 more words

By frenchcuppycake

The Hunger

Soo hard to breathe …
For air I gasp …
My body feels so weak …

Eyes are heavy …
My heart is scorned …
Revenge is all I seek …

And in the shadows …
The hunger waits …
To taste the flesh it craves…

The smell of blood …
The taste of fear…
A deep and lonely grave…

But in the dark…
A vision seen..
All dressed up in white …

My mind felt free..
My soul alive …
An angel came at night…

Her presence warm…
Like snow I melt..
And in her arms I cry…

Her lovely voice..
Sings soft & sweet …
A monsters lullaby …

by April M.

Music Vibe !!!!

Bands/Songs I’m diggin right now ….

•The Black Keys – “Little black submarines”
•The Wombats – “Jump into the fog”
•The Dollyrots – “Because I’m awesome”
•Bayside – “Be my baby”
•New found glory – new album Radio Surgery..
•My favorite radio station on iHeart – 105.9 THE X Philly

I love music … It truly saves the soul … Sends me soaring above the clouds … I love all types of music … Keep your mind open and your heart light … I hope you enjoy!!!!